I’m just going to explain this very briefly because I just don’t want to think about it anymore.
My last provider abruptly refused to give me my baclofen which is a muscle relaxer. I have been taking these for the last two years and so when my body experienced the loss of this medication it was accustomed to I have been detoxing for the past 5 days. I had a massive migraine which I talked about before. I then had some more migraines, immense nausea, shaky limbs sweaty hands and feet. I was freezing in Arizona and I was not sleeping much. I have so much nausea but luckily for me I didn’t throw up (half a mouthful) so I just couldn’t eat very much. Not quite like what I got with my history of vomiting migraine. Early Saturday morning my muscles all spasming and twitching. It was like it was some kind of bug invasion all over my muscles. These Are all very normal detox symptoms. I have not had any mental side effects. I have been very aware of how tired and how hungry I am. I’ve always been a person who always got really irritable when I didn’t eat or sleep anyway
A few days ago I started using isochronic tones for detox and a lot for because my body had no ability to do so on its own. I also started using some ashwagandha and magnesium supplements. My research stated these are supposed to alleviate these kind of symptoms. I’ve also been drinking a lot more water. I just drink a lot of water but I I’m trying to get up to that healthy gallon or half my body weight in ounces.
Sunday, something great happened. I finally had a full night’s rest! My feet are still clammy and I’m a bit cold but it is kind of overcast outside so maybe I can excuse that but it may still be a detox symptoms. I had a full meal I’ve only been eating little pieces of meals basically.
What kind of Provider does this to someone?! A muscle relaxer that is something that Needs to be tapered down.
Over the past few weeks I have had not quite Revelations but more like they were things I was procrastinating about. I wanted to get better … like all the way. I have been wanting to get off medication. I wanted to try exercising and trying to build up to where I am strong enough and I wanted to get into more healthy food.
I did not want to be so angry at everyone who has wronged me. I have a right to be angry but It takes so much energy being angry at all the people who didn’t believe me that I was genuinely not feeling well. And they dont care about me. I was so angry at people thinking I was a hypochondriac or that I just wanted drugs when they were the ones you threw drugs at me I didn’t even have to ask.
I’ve been angry at people in my own life even though I haven’t even seen them in a long time. So then I decided I was just going to give it up. I was going to let go of my anger, dismiss it, and release it out into the cosmos, space, the vast, ether, the universe can handle whatever karmic past human suffering they want or need. One person who I wasn’t quite sure if it was forgiveness or just letting the Universe pick up ability to forgive someone who already hated themselves so much it wasn’t even worth me hating them as much as they already did that to themselves.
I didn’t deserve this but I don’t deserve to feel like or be a victim anymore. I don’t even want to call myself for Survivor I just want to call myself a person, and all that stuff all those bad things it is already over, why am I living back there?! I’d rather not be known for that. I want to be here now and my journey to recover and get past my own physical and emotional pain.
First of all I know I need to find a legitimate primary care provider who actually listens to me and cares about my health issues. I know I need to then ease into healthier eating as well as light exercise. It’s sad when I’m nauseous I can only nibble toast. I’ve had all these writing ideas and I finally just going to do it just write and not care if anyone else is reading it and then go through and edit later, not be afraid of the first draft of imperfection. I keep starting and keep being sidetracked.
I am trying a TENS unit for my back And neck pain. I don’t want to be on meds anymore. I already ingest much spice to help my pain. It definitely works for the adenomyosis. I’ve had success lightening and regulating my periods while eliminating pain with homeopathy. It messed up when I got lazy with routine. I’ve had a few worth for my migraine when i didn’t have meds or tried instead of them. I dislike when people crap all over alternative medicine when I was forced onto prescriptions that I hated. Most people turn to it because of terrible American healthcare. I used to use CBD and while it did help me take less of my meds, I’d probably have to take more and the good stuff is pretty expensive.
I don’t want to be that person, the one who suffered or the one who thinks about all the time I lost to pain, side effects, or any horrible people I encountered on that ill fated journey. I am here now. I’m going to figure it out.
The following are my goals for the next 3 years: Get braces, buy a car, travel to London. So, in between I have to get healthy, hope the pandemic is gone before my passport expires, and get more money for all of that.
… but if I should have some psychotic symptoms and go on a rampage because a 70 year old cunt refused me a refill, please file a complaint against Cheryl Webb NP of El Rio in Tucson, Arizona (that’s the last negative comment this semester. Thank you).